Regret is a terrible, vile emotion. Not because it is uncomfortable and painful, not because it is melancholy and frustrating, but because it keeps you moving emotionally backwards if you dwell on it. Any emotion we feel can teach us something, and regret is not excluded from that...but it still has that unhealthy way of making us look over our shoulders at roads we cannot turn around on. For this reason, I try my best to accept past mistakes and appreciate the lessons they teach me...but sometimes, regret simply sits stagnant until we somehow find redemption.
It seems to me that regret is often the result of bargaining. We bargain things we need for things we want, we bargain time to utiliize for time to waste, we bargain what our head says for what our heart says. It isn't until later that we really decide if we chose 'correctly'...but the choice has been made. But if I say that I believe that what is meant to be will be, what does that make of my regrets? The real problem is that we never trust ourselves. We second-guess, focus on our 20/20 hindsight, force ourselves mentally down roads of what-if and could-have-been. Why? Obviously there was a time for decision, and we chose what we truly felt what was best for our own happiness. That's the only real motivator, the only true deciding question: "Which option will lead me to greater happiness?"
I am doing my best to trust myself, to remember that I took the paths I took for reason that felt true and legitimate in my heart at some point. That simple fact means that I chose right.
No more regrets. Just lessons to learn.
(so I guess this is what 'learning' feels like lately...how unoriginal...I'll let a few lines by "Angels & Airwaves" say it better:)
"Did you know? (that i love you?)
Come and lay with me,
I love you!
And on this day, I love you
you make me feel alive,
and I'll love you
til the end of time."
-from "Breathe"
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